Eccentric.
Embodied.
Smart.

I was a highly sensitive child, deeply attuned to nature and to the spirit world. Because I was raised Pentecostal Christian I channeled this sensitivity into church, I was the poster-child for a good Christian girl. I grew up speaking in tongues, laying healing hands on people, and being filled with the Holy Spirit--all practices that are intrinsic to shamanic and Pagan spirituality.

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What my parents and my church didn’t know was that being filled with the Holy Spirit and other charismatic practices of Pentecostalism were actually highly erotic for me. It woke me up to a deep longing for intimate spiritual union. For years I would search for a perfect soul mate who I believed would fully meet this deep longing.

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Instead, I chose wrong relationship after wrong relationship, until I found myself in a couple of life-threatening situations with two different abusive partners. I was deeply longing for a sacred sexual partnership, but clearly I had no idea how to go about finding one. And it seemed like I couldn't trust myself to pick suitable partners. How had my deep longing for sacred sexuality led me into the mire of cyclic abuse?

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So I put myself through a rigorous psycho-spiritual and somatic healing regime. I did some deep soul work to unravel the abuse patterns, lift some family curses, and ultimately find my calling as a depth worker. That's when the spirits really started ringing my doorbell. They began to show me that a sacred sexual relationship wasn't necessarily about being with a human partner.

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I realized that the Underworld God and Goddess, the primordial deities, are the beings who had been laying claim to me all along. But the Underworld wasn't how I'd been raised to imagine it. It isn't a place of evil, but a source of fecund, rich potency. It's where our Weird Self lives. So those abusive relationships were me being drawn to this potent, chthonic energy in people, but in an unconscious way. I realized that I had to learn to make room for this juicy, sexual energy in myself through the cultivation of my body-mind-spirit-emotions, allowing the Shakti to flow through me. Once I took this on as my way of being in the world--eco-sexual, burlesque performer, erotic mystic and priestess of sacred sexuality--I was able to step into co-creative, intimate relationship with these Underworld forces and it took the pressure off my human-mundane relationships. I started making better choices because I was fueled and guided by my spirit allies.

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Now I know how to see in the dark, through the dark, and to not be afraid of the dark. I have traversed the Underworld many times and have a solid map for going in and out. I know how to fall in love with deity, with nature, and, most importantly, with that weird, extraordinary aspect of myself and others. I have also found the deep, lasting intimacy of my spirit beloveds, and no longer seek that solely in a human person. Consequently, I have been able to enjoy many co-creative relationships with human beloveds as well!